~ Jack Bauer Facts!
February 18, 2007 by Bakkouz
Filed under Art & Entertainment, Offbeat
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
Jack Bauer doesn’t need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
When Jack Bauer jumps from an airplane, he doesn’t fall to the ground. The earth rises to meet him.
Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
Jack Bauer wasn’t born, he was unleashed.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it’s f*cking beef.
[source]
dadan on Sun, 18th Feb 2007 3:35 pm
heheh those are similar to Chuck Norris Facts …
# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
# Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
bakkouz on Sun, 18th Feb 2007 3:41 pm
Yeah but Jack Bauer Kicks Chuck Norris’s a$$ :devil:
O.J. on Sun, 18th Feb 2007 10:21 pm
Hahaha…absolutely hillarious…Jack Bauer rocks!!
Pete on Thu, 24th May 2007 5:28 pm
Actually, if you haven’t heard, Jack Bauer, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris have started the new Justice league. Their definition of justice is slightly different though. Almost all of the sentences are death, either by roundhouse kick from Chuck, pity from Mr. T, or just getting the crap beaten out of you by Jack Bauer. By the way…
“You don’t know Jack,” is a blessing among terrorists.
A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in 18 states.
The last man to make eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Wahoo on Sat, 6th Oct 2007 4:21 am
Thank you for sharing!